One can’t expect to go on with their life with only laughs and giggles. As mentioned time and again, life is surely a roller coaster ride, and going through tough times along with the good ones is part of the package.
From losing a job to losing a loved one to just going through a mental illness, there can be several reasons why one is going through a bad phase. These tough times can go on for a day, a week, or even months. That’s the deal; one just cannot put a cap on it.
However, imagine being in a relationship with someone who is going through some really hard times. You can see a change in them and their behaviour, and the sad part is that you know that they are going through a really bad time. But dealing with and being a certain way with a partner who is going through a rough patch can be tricky. In fact, seeing your partner constantly in a bad mood may cause you to become agitated or lose patience.
Unsplash
Not just that, if the bad days keep going on, you may feel overwhelmed. It’s heartbreaking to watch someone you care about suffer and feel helpless when it happens.
Jump To
First, how do you know if your partner is going through a bad phase?
As per Dr. Janet Brito, a sex and relationship therapist based in Hawaii, there are cues and clues that can help you identify your partner’s behaviour. She says that the partner may start acting differently than they usually do. You can notice that the partner’s behaviours are more in alignment with a threat response and may be responding in a fight, flight, or freeze mode. This can be noticed in their mood as well.
Tina B. Tessina, PhD, psychotherapist and author of “How to Be Happy Partners: Working It Out Together,” has some clear indications to give. According to her, the partner may stop talking to you properly about their day, work, or even friends. You notice your partner drinking or smoking more. Their wanting to get up in the morning becomes a task, and their communication with you goes completely off.
They may even have basic symptoms of depression, such as sleeping more or less. Eating more or less and wanting to socialise or go out as little as possible. Concentrating and staying present for you may also get tough for them, and they may seem distracted.
Unsplash
What can you do for your partner in these tough times?
Sure, you may feel hopeless if this goes on for a while, but there are several things you can do for your significant other.
Try to pay attention to what they are saying
Sometimes they may not even want to talk about anything, and sharing things might be tough for them. However, if they come to you by themselves to talk about their feelings, show them that you are actually listening. Show how you are there for them and do not pass on any judgement about their feelings or experiences. Make them feel seen so they can share everything with you.
Ask them what they would want to do
While you may be feeling that your partner is truly not being themselves, they may actually be trying to get better by trying themselves. Instead of becoming frustrated or saddened by your partner’s behavior, ask them directly what they are feeling and what they would like to do so that you do not bother them further. If they say they want to talk about anything, then give them their space.
Unsplash/Representational Image
Offer them help
If they can’t get the motivation to do chores, try doing some of their chores for them. You can probably get them food, buy them groceries, or just be there for them. When they feel alone, you can just be a pillar of support for your partner. Isn’t that what relationships are all about?
Try coming up with a plan to fix things
Let us say your partner has lost a job and is feeling hopeless after that. You can help them go further. You can probably help them find different portals where they can send their resume, help them update their resume, and even push them to go for interviews, or better yet, practise them with them. This will help them get motivated to see a hopeful future.
Definitely take care of yourself too
While you are doing everything you can to support your partner, don’t forget to take care of yourself too. Eat food at the right time, exercise, or continue doing what you generally do (which includes meeting friends and socializing) and keep some time aside for yourself. If you are not healthy yourself, how can you help others?
Unsplash
Consider asking for outside help
If you feel like your partner has been suffering for too long and you are just not able to help them, offer to take them to therapy or seek the help of a professional. If the mental health issue has gotten out of hand and the partner just can’t tackle it, getting professional treatment is the right way to deal with it. If the partner seems reluctant, you can go to pick them up and drop them off, or even sit with them during the therapy so they feel the support.